My biggest fear is letting my inexperience and fear impede my desire to bring my dream to fruition.
To anyone reading this I know that upon reaching the final sentence of my description you will immediately file me into that part of your memory you call "Ideas Guys". I hope that I can distance myself from that that label and meet programmers and artists as an equal in talent. I cannot accredit successful apps to myself, nor can I accredit involvement with studios or other reputable developers, I have not one degree to my name. I have always wanted to be a skilful programmer and a good artist, but despite my best efforts I have come to realize that in game development work does not substitute talent. It is a talented programmer that gives ideas life, and an amazing artists that gives that life colour and purpose.
My strength has not been in art or programming, it has been in writing and critical thought. My skill for these has come from my reading of literature and philosophy. It has shaped my understanding of the world but more importantly exposed me to the depth of the human condition, to the complexities of reality, to artificial intelligence and consciousness, to God and the afterlife. It is these qualities i believe shape my design of games.
I detest stimulus served on a silver platter, rewards handed for no effort and the simple ease we have come to expect of the games we play today. Where we rush to forums to complain about how difficult something is, about how unforgiving a mechanic or level might be when it is this feature that makes it fun in the first place. I hate how when playing something designed to bring me to an alternate world and stimulate my thoughts traps me instead in a cage, where the rules are not can do, they are can’t do. Where I get the good soldier fighting against the bad soldiers, the monster that hunts you in a place you'd rather not be, the same recycled archetypal male trying to stop the madman from destroying the world. I don't care about the bad or good soldiers, I want to make games about the horror of BEING a soldier. I don't care about the man fleeing from the monster, I want to make games about men who ARE monsters. I don't care about the destruction of the world, I want to make games about what a man thinks is reason to not have it anymore. I believe in stories and I believe in characters. I believe in feeling a connection with real characters, not facets of ideals or simple reflections of good or evil. I want to hope for good but see only evil and be disappointed, I want to seek virtue and find only fragments of it amongst wickedness. I want to feel torn when I watch them die, and apprehensive when I’m forced to kill them. I want to make games where black and white doesn't exist and all is grey, where what dictates decision is not intuition, but emotion.
I said earlier how my biggest fear about people reading my bio was just being another "Ideas Guy". I hope that I can get from you that one thing that forged the greatest game studios of all time, that gift given by those who funded them that came with the money but exceeded its value tenfold. Faith. The faith that this person had the character, the drive and the vision to lead them forward and aim their talent at the stars, the faith that he would pull the trigger and shoot them at it.
I apologise if I’ve wasted your time with that long speech.